How much would you like to make Psychonauts 2? $13 million? Yeah, I can do that…
Tim Schafer has been riding a wave of fanboy generosity recently, with nearly $2 million dollars worth of donations (at time of writing) towards a new graphic adventure game. He was also the subject of another unexpected philanthropic gesture when Mincraft millionaire Markus Persson pretty much offered Schafer the money to make a sequel to Psychonauts. It turns out that those conversations have progressed somewhat, with Schafer and Persson recently chatting about the actual viability of the project. In terms of how much money it might take to get the game made, Tim threw out a ballpark figure of $13 million (the cost of the original game), to which Persson replied, “Sure.” So who knows, me may actually see a Psychonauts 2, or at least some other project that combines Schafer’s mind and Persson’s millions to make some gaming magic. If we do get a Psychonauts 2, however, I agree with the people who say it might not be a project of the same size or scale as the original. That doesn’t really bother me; if anything, a shorter, more focused sequel might address some of the irksome niggles that cropped up in Psychonauts. Here’s hoping this crazy story has some kind of happy ending.
Rockstar aren’t ruling out L.A. Noire 2: The Noirening
Rockstar came out the other day to say that a sequel to ambitious detective epic L.A. Noire could be on the cards at some point. At the moment Rockstar have got their hands full with the hugely-anticipated gunfire blizzard Max Payne 3 and the upcoming open-world nihilism playground GTAV, but they’ve said we could yet see more sleuthing-based action in the future. Team Bondi, the creators of the original game, have folded (allegedly because they were a glorified sweatshop), so they won’t be returning to handle developing duties; no doubt Rockstar will farm this out to one of the many studios under its umbrella. L.A. Noire owes its existence (as well as its plot and characters) to the film L.A. Confidential, so I wonder which film the sequel will shamelessly lift from when it inevitably arises. I’ve come up with some suggestions:
Escape from L.A. Noire
I Noire What You Did Last Summer
Noire Country For Old Men
No need to thank me, Rockstar.
Twisted Metal will be made into a film by the genius who gave us Crank
Let me just say, at the outset, that Crank 2 is actually the worst film I have ever seen. It’s so offensively bad, it’s bad for you. Crank 2 is a “film” in only the loosest sense of the word, it’s more a series of violently frenetic images haphazardly spliced together and set to a soundtrack of four thousand industrial accidents happening concurrently. Rather than insulting its audience, Crank 2 flat out despises the people watching it, and it seems fitting that after a ninety minute avalanche of unintelligible visual spasms the final image is of a flaming Jason Statham giving the middle finger to the camera. Up yours, viewer. So it is with a raging bile duct that I receive the news the co-director of the Crank series, Brian Taylor, is allegedly set to bring anarchic fender bender Twisted Metal to the screen. Taylor has just finished directing Ghost Rider 2 with co-conspirator Mark Neveldine, so you know what level they’re pitching this at. This is a guy who thought it was a good idea to make a sequel to Ghost Rider, and now someone is going to give him money to make a glamourised Death Race remake, even though they did that already and it had Jason bloody Statham in it as well. I despair.
The Far Cry 3 trailer is all like, bwaaaam wub wub wub wub wub wub
Marketer 1: Let’s stick some dubstep in this trailer. Young people listen to dubstep, right?
Marketer 2: I’m sorry, what was that? I’m so drunk I can’t actually see.
Marketer 1: Me too. Would you like some cocaine?
Marketer 2: Is it breakfast time already?